Marriage as we know it is under attack. I am so grateful for the amazing and dedicated man I married, that I must say.
Today, our last day in beautiful California, we went to the movies. T, myself, and my wonderful in laws. We went to a classic Los Angeles cinema where many Hollywood actors go to watch movies.
We were in the thick of it, Hollywood, you could say.
We got there in time for the previews, naturally. The previews begin and we all comment under our breaths about which one “looks good” or “redbox that one”.
Then “Fifty Shades of Grey” begins to play. I roll my eyes and brace myself for what I’m about to see. I glance at T and think to myself I don’t need to worry about him, he’s one of the greats. By worry, I mean him getting excited or wanting to see the movie. He’s much better than that.
As it plays I can’t help but think that I just wanted to go to the movies. I just want to sit with my sweet husband and not have to think how hard it is for him to keep his thoughts clean while we watch inappropriate and unrealistic portrayals of “love”. Then I started to think about the other people in the theater, ones that probably can’t wait to see it.
My thoughts continued to spiral and my annoyance peaked as I thought of my brother, a young man trying to do his best and stay true to his values. Even just a preview of that nature can toy with anyone’s thoughts.
I thought of the main actress in the preview and how she is portrayed. Like she must submit to what a man wants her to do, at least that was my impression. And I began to think of all the women watching, married or unmarried, young and old. Those women who may be trying their best and hoping for healthy relationships. Once again their views and expectations are skewed. Were they watching this and wondering: Should they just give anything of themselves? Should men expect anything from their women? I hope not.
I considered those who created the preview, the movie, and of course the book. I know there is a lot of money in the industry. I know that porn and sex are infiltrating the minds of so many, many people I have known actually. I have seen it torment men and women, I have seen it tear families a part, I have seen it break hearts, I have seen it demolish self esteem. It is a nasty virus. All for self gain.
It does not fulfill, but instead leave you empty never satisfied. It removes goodness and compassion and leaves in it’s path selfishness and lust. Let me be clear, lust is not love. It never will be.
I titled this blog “50 shades of huh?” Because that was my ending thought when the preview ended. “Huh?” Not only was I disgusted by the preview, so much in fact that I openly shook my head. But I was appalled that it’s suddenly okay to basically take a book known for “turning people on” and make it into a movie, let alone play the preview in the theater. A theater where young men and women are in attendance, fragile minds so easily molded. Not to mention the parents trying so hard to teach their children the beauty of expressing your love for someone. Or the parents building their child’s self esteem to what it should be. A preview that not only eludes to what is going on, but insinuates that kind of behavior is okay, even promoted.
I am not saying that we should be kept sheltered, that this doesn’t happen in secret or public every day. I know it does. What I am getting at is how our society has completely lost sight of what love is. Taking the most sacred and beautiful way to express love and constantly exploiting it, openly sharing it, and encouraging it has done much more internal damage than good. Both men and women struggle with it in different ways. I mean, we are already constantly pressured to make ourselves look perfect, dress perfect, act perfect. And then this? Give of ourselves in such an imperfect way?
When did we lose our way? My marriage is the most precious thing to me. It is my jewel, my gold, my joy. I would give up any possession to keep it alive and well. I would never bring harm upon it.
But that’s exactly what happened today. Without my knowledge, harm knocked at our door in the form of a stimulating preview. Of course, like I said, it didn’t bother T. He’s is faithful to the end and works hard at that daily. We both do.
Why couldn’t I just go see a movie with my husband without our precious marriage being attacked over and over? And to think of all the ones that fall into it and can’t get out. It seems enticing and fun until you fall in and you can’t get out.
I often dream of a society that helped each other instead of constantly tried to bring out the worst in each other. Maybe T and I should just got stay there instead.