Yesterday, well all weekend, we have been celebrating T’s birthday. He loves birthdays. Since this is our first go around at being wife throwing his birthday I put a lot of pressure on myself. Necessary pressure. I didn’t want to be lazy in something that meant so much to him. I threw myself into planning almost a month in advance. The whole weekend was planned out, including Wonka bars that were used to accompany the GOLD theme for his golden birthday. For those of you who don’t know everyone has a golden birthday. For example, T’s birthday is on September 29, and he is turning 29–therefore 29 on the 29th = golden birthday status.
Continuing on, yesterday we were busy all day. I just wanted the day to be special. I tend to over do things (ahem…wonka bars) but I don’t care. It’s part of the fun.
Yesterday was Saturday and after all of our many activities we finished a yummy dinner at Tucano’s restaurant and raced to make a cheap movie. In the midst of getting to the movie (note we were already 5 minutes late) there was no parking upon arrival and we had not bought our tickets. He dropped me off where the lines were messy and people seemed confused. People kept jumping in front of me. I was freezing. He was taking forever to park. Then to top it off the movie wasn’t listed. I panicked. He caught up with me and then he panicked. The attendant in the window assured us it was playing still as well as that the movie was in previews. We bought our tickets and rushed inside. Of course we had to get our movie drinks as well as use the bathroom. we’re not going to make it I kept thinking to myself. I decided since T had been wanting to see this movie for a while I would stand in line so he could go inside. I stood in line with once again confused customers, rude attendants, and overall just poor service. I finally got the drinks but then I knew I had to go to the bathroom. The bathrooms were small and cramped and I had two drinks in my hand. I balanced them on the toilet paper holder and did my business. I rushed back to the theater and desperately tried to find my husband amidst the dark crowd. I found him, I stumbled past the people in our row as well as knocking a woman in the head with my purse.
At this point I am beyond flustered. Beyond. I sit next to my guy hand him his drink and try to hold back the tears. TEARS! are you seriously about to cry? I think to myself. This is what happens when I get worked up. I cry. Poor T has had to deal with this more often than I would like. I get upset or flustered and my body’s immediate reaction is to cry. Sure it releases emotions, but it is not necessary in every situation. I take 10 seconds to assess what I just went through. My sweet T puts his arm on my leg and settles in to watch the movie. He is aware of me and my struggle to not cry, and his simple touch instantly calms me down. Not only do I calm, I begin to think.
me: my goal is to be happy. am I happy?
because my husband is right here next to me. he is showing me affection. we are together. we are alive and well.
I place my hand on his and my breathing begins to calm. The tears begin to recede.
focus on what is good right now and you will find your happy. simple. simple. simple. happiness is simple.
These simple thoughts calm me down in under a minute. A series of events that would normally set me off to be upset and annoyed for the entire movie suddenly become so mundane to me. In that instant I realize something. I have a lot more power than I realize. I have power to make one situation good or bad.
The other thing that stumbled into my mind during this quick reflection was this:
We are constantly battling to be happy. It is a constant inner struggle. If you want to be happy, fight for it. Your relationships will improve, and so will you. Don’t let the silly things get you down. Don’t let them ruin a possibly good moment. Don’t allow other people to dictate how you choose to feel, because in the end you chose to feel that way.